Talk Show Host Blames & Judges Victim

I am a guy. I am a survivor of domestic violence. I went on a national TV show in New York City recently to tell my story of abuse to help other men and boys in Erie and beyond feel safe coming forward to tell their stories too.

Something unfortunate happened. The host engaged me in victim blaming and passing judgment on me.

The episode just aired in almost 200 cities. It is on YouTube and is titled The Secret World of Abused Men (full episode). It aired on Fox 66 TV in Erie.

The host of The Mel Robbins Show is not a therapist. Mel has a giant platform to help people. In this situation; she did not. She helped perpetuate the notion that domestic violence victims are to be blamed and judged for so much in our abusive situations.

During the show, Mel was critical of how I felt and still feel for my ex-partner and abuser. That was wrong of her to do. Survivors are entitled to feel any way we want…then, now, or in the future. We should never be blamed for our emotions.

My ex-partner and abuser was my best friend. He was the love of my life. And I will always love him. Those are my feelings. Not hers. It's OK that I felt or feel that way.

Additionally, the host Mel stated that she needed to have a serious conversation with me about how I feel about my ex-partner. In another moment she expressed wanting to get something through to me about how I feel about love.

Survivors of domestic violence do not need to be condescended to. We don't need lectures.

Parents sit their children down and have a "serious conversation" about how they did something bad. And parents sit their children down and tell them they need to get their message "through to them" to teach them a lesson.

Mel could have listened to my story of abuse and offered her support to me in that interview. She could have surrounded me with resources so that I could move forward and make my own decisions. Instead she chose to tell a survivor what she wanted me to do and give her opinions. That is wrong.

Lastly, Mel expressed an opinion about how I feel and said she thinks that is why I am trapped by my ex-partner. I am not trapped by him. Mel made a judgment about my situation. She tried to minimize how successful I have been in my recovery and healing. That is wrong.

Some of Erie's men and boys are victims of domestic abuse too. Let's do the right thing for them.

Create a safe space to have survivors come forward with their stories of abuse. Listen. Offer support for them. Make no judgments. Give no opinions. Surround them with resources.

And our brothers, uncles, primos, sons, boyfriends, and dads will make the best decisions for their healing and recovery.

Help can always be found at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

This article of erasing toxic masculinity is brought to you by that guy of silence no more. That vulnerable guy is Ron Blake and you can share your stories with him at rblake5551@hotmail.com