Is it Time for Plastic Surgery?

from Michael Dale Kimmel of Life Beyond Therapy: Dear Michael:

 I have had baggy eyes my whole life. It's not a disfigurement, but it's always bugged me. So I had plastic surgery to "tighten" them. I feel SO differentyounger, more confidant, happier. I feel so good that I've finally lost the 25 pounds that I have always wanted to and now cute guys are checking me out.

Now my plastic surgeon has suggested that I have Restylane injected into some of my major wrinkles and perhaps consider a little work to shorten my nose (it's a big one).

What do you think? I am surprised how happy I am as a result of the surgery and wonder if I should continue on this path.

Younger looking in Southern California

Dear Younger:

This is a question I often get in my private practice, and I am glad to address it in this column. To me, there is nothing "right" or "wrong" about plastic surgery. It's a tool: it cannot bring you happiness or confidence, it can bring you (temporarily) a different appearance. Remember, ALL plastic surgery is temporary. Eventually, we will all age and our bodies and faces will reflect that.  The only alternative would be continuous plastic surgery (see: Cher).

That said, how do you know whether to start or not?  And, more importantly for you, how do you know when to stop?

Southern California is a center of body perfectionism. Travel anywhere else in America and you are unlikely to see city after city full of people so obsessed with their appearance. Health and exercise are good, neurotic obsession with physical "perfection" is not.

 The bottom line is: it's all about body image and how YOU see yourself. Is your self-image distorted? Does everyone else see a healthy, attractive person while you see that pudgy little kid (with the big nose) from third grade? When you look in the mirror, what's your emotional reaction? Acceptance? Mild criticism? Or is it even too hard to look at yourself in the mirror because you don't like what you see?

 Plastic surgeons sometimes send me clients who are contemplating plastic surgery. The essence of our work is to determine:

• What do you expect from your surgery?
• How do you expect your life to change?
• Do you expect to feel differently about yourself?

It's my role to help the client take a good hard look at what he or she expects after they heal from the surgery: is it to have a smaller nose or more self-confidence? If it's the former, then they're on the right track. If it's the latterwe have to talk.

Self-confidence and happiness don't come from plastic surgery, liposuction or an "extreme makeover". You can get a great looking body or face out of it, but that doesn't mean that how you FEEL about yourself will change.  Some people feel worse after their plastic surgery: they may look different, but still feel like crap inside. All that time, money and pain and they still feel ugly inside.

 Aging is natural. It's a good thing!  We want to live long enough to grow and age and really LIVE. However, in order to sell products and services, our culture has made aging a "crime", a "mistake", a path for suckers and poor people.

We have been brainwashed to believe that there's something wrong with looking our age. TikTok tells us that we're lazy and stupid if we look as old as we are. Let's stop for a moment and question the wisdom of this. Trying to continually look younger than we are is a set-up for disappointment and suffering.  Our bodies grow and age and change. This is naturalNORMALto be honored and even (gasp) celebrated.

 It's great that you are happy with the surgery you had. It sounds like you used it as a springboard to lose the weight you wanted and now you feel better about yourself. Well done. Your expectations were realistic. Whether you consider more plastic surgery, Botox or Restylane injections, please question your intentions and motivations for this or any other alteration to your face or body, and feel free to contact me if you want additional assistance in making your decision.

About the Author

Michael Dale Kimmel I am a California-licensed psychotherapist (LCSW 20738). With over twenty-five years of counseling experience, I bring warmth, practical insight and a healthy sense of humor to my practice.