A Mid-Year Check-in on your New Year's Resolutions

from Michel Dale Kimmel of Life Beyond Therapy: Many people make New Year's Resolutions. And most of us forget about them after a few days/weeks. I'd like to suggest that you check in on your resolutions half-way through the year, like now.

You may not even remember what you resolved to do back on January 1st. I invite you to take a moment and see what you can rememberyour subconscious remembers everything: see if you can tap into some of what you wanted six months' ago. It's probably not so different from what you want now.

Write your resolutions down, on your phone or paper.

Now, let's look at whether you've manifested them or not. If you're like me, most of them haven't happened. I admit it: me too. So let's use the next six months to see if we can do things differently.

As we're about half-way through the year, let's revisit our New Year's resolutions and see what obstacles are in the way so we can address them and move them out of the way.  Here are four that may be familiar:

You aren't willing to do the work

If you just wait for happiness (more money, a new lover, a better job) to come to you, what do you think will happen?  Likely, nothing!  New results require new thoughts, actions, speech, and intentions.

Before giving up on your resolutions (tempting, isn't it?) instead look past the obvious and dig deeper.  For example: if you want a lover/partner, what for?  If it's to stop feeling lonely, then a lover/partner may not fix your problem.  Your loneliness is the problem.  If you think you need a new job, why?  Do you want to leave your current job because you find some of the people difficult?  Guess what?  There are usually difficult people at every job.  Rather than running away, set your intention to learn how to deal with difficult people.  See what I mean about digging deeper?

A recent client told me he wanted to look like Jacob Elordi (from "Euphoria" and "Saltburn").  I asked him why.  He said, "because then I'll feel sexy and confident."  I suggested we work on how he can feel that way without looking like someone else.  I helped him identify and remove what blocked him from feeling sexy, confident, strong and handsome.

You're too impatient

How many of us feel impatient about change and don't want to wait forever to become happier?  (In all honesty, I'd raise my hand to this too).  After all, we deserve to be happy, don't we?  Look at how long we're suffered already.  This kind of logic may work for a TV commercial ("because you're worth it") but it doesn't work in real life.

If you've spent 25, 35 or 45 years feeling you're not worthy of a good job/partner/house, do you really expect that resolutions - made now or in January - will change that?

When my clients want to take on big psychological "makeovers", I encourage them to take it slowly.  We can't sustain major change when we try to do it dramatically and quickly.  I know it isn't as exciting - it wouldn't be good TikTok material - but lasting change in our lives comes gradually, step-by-step.

You expect too much

When I have a new client who says, "I have so many problems, I don't know where to start", I encourage him or her to make a list of all the things that bother them and to rate these problems (on a scale of 1 to 10) by how much pain each one brings them.  For example, "I hate my job" is a 7, "I feel so lonely" is a 9, "I don't like my body" is a 3.

We start to work on the most painful stuff first and we focus on one problem at a time, breaking it down into small, do-able action steps.

For example, saying "I hate my job" over-and-over is only going to bring you misery.  Instead, ask yourself questions like: "What about my job bothers me the most?  What do I like about it?" Any seemingly unsolvable problem can be broken down into a series of "smaller", more easily solved problems.

You're too hard on yourself

It's not too late to make a resolution for 2025.  Try this one: be kinder to yourself this year.  This may sound counter-intuitive if you want to change, but it isn't.  Most of us have beaten ourselves up mentally for years; has this gotten us where we want to be?

That's not the way to do it.

As we progress into the second half of 2025, make a new list: write down ten ways that you can be kinder to yourself in the next six months and start to do some of them.  I guarantee you that by being kinder to yourself, any changes you want to make in your life will happen more quickly and painlessly.