Recognizing the Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
from SafeNet
Let's face it. Relationships are complicated. Even the best relationships hit bumps in the road. However, if your complicated relationship turns unhealthy and then escalates into abuse, there are three things you need to know: it is not your fault, you are not alone, and there is help.
No one enters a relationship thinking the person they care about will someday hit them, humiliate them, or threaten to kill them in order to maintain power and control. In fact, an abusive relationship can often start out like the perfect love story. Then everything changes, leaving the victim feeling confused, ashamed, and numb. If they aren't experiencing physical violence, the victim might not know they are experiencing abuse at all. They don't realize that the yelling, name-calling, threats, isolation from family and friends, sexual coercion, and financial control are also forms of violence in a relationship.
Intimate partner violence does not discriminate. It affects individuals regardless of age, race, ethnicity, gender orientation and identity, economic status, religion, physical and intellectual ability, or education level. It can happen in any relationship-between couples who are married, living together, or just dating. The one constant is the abuser's need for power and control, the driving force behind their behavior. Fortunately, there are signs that can help identify an abusive relationship.
Red flags of an abusive partner:
- Seems charming at first, full of gifts and flattery
- Pushes for early commitment
- Isolates you from family and friends
- Blames others for their problems
- Threatens to "out" you to friends and family
- Rarely apologizes-for anything
- Wants to know where you, what you're doing, and who you're with
- Calls you names, puts you down, or humiliates you and then calls it a joke
- Is overly jealous and possessive
- Is secretive with their cellphone, whereabouts, and finances
- Doesn't respect your needs, concerns, opinions, or boundaries
- Frightens you by yelling, calling you names, making threats, displaying weapons, or silencing you with cold stares
- Has angry outbursts, then denies the outbursts happened
- Is concerned only about themselves, focused on their own unmet needs and desires
- Frequently stalks you, either physically or by using technology
- Belittles your work, your appearance, your beliefs, your hopes and dreams
If you need to talk to someone because you feel afraid or depressed in your relationship, you can reach out to a trained advocate at SafeNet by calling the 27/7 hotline at 814-454-8161. SafeNet offers free, confidential, welcoming assistance that can help you reclaim your life. On-going counseling, currently done via telephone, can be scheduled by call SafeNet's main office at 814-455-1774. To learn more, go to SafeNet's website at www.safeneterie.org.
Seeking help because your partner is hurting you isn't a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength, proof that you are already moving from being a victim of intimate partner violence to becoming a survivor.
