'Adopt-A-Transgender' for Christmas   

by Holly Maholm

We are nearly into the Christmas Season, and me being filled with Christmas Cheer, I have decided to show Scrooge "how it's done" and reach out to those in need (well, a few of you, anyway). This is an offer which will not result in you receiving any additional presents (that's Santa's job, not mine), but if you are selected as one of the beneficiaries of my Christmas generosity, you will be grateful, nonetheless.

I am a transgender ("TG") woman, and a few years ago when I began my transition, I learned an amazing fact. Which is: That it sometimes happens (and by "sometimes," I mean "much, much more often than it ought to") that when a TG man or woman first "comes out" and announces to his or her family that, "Hey, I'm TG" a most unusual reaction can occur. The mother and/or father (or grandfather and/or grandmother) are sometimes heard to declare "Well, if that's the case, then you are no longer my (son/daughter/grandson/granddaughter - as the case may be)."

That TG person is told that he or she has been "disowned." No longer a part of the family. No longer entitled to feel the love that comes from being part of a family.

So I was shocked. "Can they do that?" I asked myself. Is "disowning" really a thing? (And if so, does Hallmark have a card for it? You know, a card with a picture of a cute, sad kitten on the cover, and then you open it up and you read "So sorry to hear your parents kicked you out of the house. Hope you find a new one soon!") But the longer I went on with my transition, and the more TG people I got to know, the more I realized this was not so uncommon. Despicable, yes, but not uncommon.

In fact, about a year ago I started being friends with a young TG woman in her early 20's who was still living at home. But then, I heard she got kicked out of the house, so I called her, and she told me, yes, her parents had decided that – as far as they were concerned – they had a "son" and not a girl named "Sandy." So here was Sandy, still in college and working part-time and trying to get an education so she could have a life and support herself, but still her parents stabbed her in the back, and threw her out.

Well, those parents should not have been so hasty. Because Sandy – having nowhere else to go – promptly moved in with her boyfriend, who was a hard-working, ambitious young man trying his best to work his way up in the lucrative field of "marketing and distribution of illicit pharmaceuticals." Just the sort of young man every parent wants for a son-in-law. Fortunately, this story has a happy ending. Now – a year later – Sandy's parents have reconsidered and invited her home, Sandy is back in school, and Sandy has moved on to a new, more stable boyfriend.

So Sandy's story has a happy ending, but still, I felt that a terrible injustice was being done. I could see there were still TG men and women being disowned by their families, but almost nothing they could do about it. I mean, when you own mother tells you "Get out" what do you do then? (Okay, you learn how to use a washer and dryer, but apart from that).

Then, I started to get angry. I mean, how can anyone just declare some other member of the family to be a stranger? And I was angry because I could see how much both people would lose. The TG person loses a parent (maybe both parents), and the parents lose a child.

So here is what I decided, and what my offer is. I am going to operate my own, personal "Adopt-A-Transgender" program this Christmas. I – being a TG woman in my "later years" (we won't say how "late"), and having raised three daughters to happy adulthood - am going to offer myself as a "Transgender-Adoptive-Parent." So …if you are a TG person, and if you have been disowned by your parents or grandparents, then let me know. Because I am going to choose three of you to be my "Transgender-Adoptive-Daughters/Sons" for Christmas.

 We will get to know each other (over the phone and by email). And as Christmas gets closer, I will answer your emails, and stop what I am doing and listen to you (when you feel the need to talk). And on Christmas Eve, I will call you and tell you that you are loved, and on Christmas morning I will call you and you can tell me all about the presents you got (or wanted, anyway), and how happy you feel to be a part of a loving family (that one, great supportive family of people who share their love).

So if this is "you" – a TG man or woman who has been disowned, reply to my website, and I will pick three of you (at random, the way all of us were "selected" to be TG). They can "disown" you all they want, but they can't stop the rest of us from loving and caring for you.

Holly Maholm is a transgender woman who was born John S. Oney. She is a graduate of Yale University and The Ohio State University School of Law. She worked as a senior attorney for a major sports marketing agency until she retired in 2004 and went into private practice. She has been married twice and actively co-parented her three daughters from her first marriage. Maholm began her transition to living full-time as a woman in 2013. She is the author of several stage and screen plays and two novels: When Once I Lived (2011), and Brave in Ribbons (November, 2015). She lives in Cleveland, OH and is an active member of the local LGBTQ community.

For more information please visit www.hollymaholm.com

Brave in Ribbons is available on Amazon.

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