Life Beyond Therapy (92 Articles with 246,905 total views)
San Diego psychologist Michael Kimmel shares perspectives and advice on psychological health for the LGBT community. He can be reached through his website (lifebeyondtherapy.com).
May, 2022
Feeling electronically connected but personally isolated? You need "The New Vitamin C".
While reading several books about the global acceleration of technology, it was predicted that the highest paying jobs in the future will be those that combine science and technology skills with the ability to relate well with other people. I also read that trust - not technological savvy - between two people is the key to success, both personal and professional.
April, 2022
Comfortable With Uncertainty
COVID continues. Russia Invades the Ukraine. Inflation is high. Financial instability, global warming and institutional racism continue to plague us all. I'm 68 years' old and I cannot remember a time of such uncertainty. Who can we count on? What is stable and lasting? How much can we predict our lives in the next week/month/year/decade?
March, 2022
Sex, Kink and Consent
Have you ever been in an uncomfortable situation where someone tried to kiss or touch you and you didn't want it?< Have you ever kissed or touched someone else without asking for their consent? Most of us have been taught not to talk about sex. There's a fear that too much talking about it will make us uneasy and kill our sexual spontaneity. However, I've noticed one group of people who are breaking this taboo by talking about sex - and consent - a lot: the kink community.
February, 2022
Ten Ways to Stop Diet Drama & Make Friends with Your Body
Have you ever been unhappy with how your body looks or how much you weigh?
January, 2022
7 Steps for More Happiness and Less Conflict in Your Life
From Michael Dale Kimmel of Life Beyond Therapy: Wouldn't you like to get the gift of happiness this Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza? Wouldn't that be better than something you can buy in a store?
December, 2021
Lighten Up: The Joy of Getting Rid of Stuff
In a few days I'm moving to a new house. I've lived in my current place for 21 years. Needless to say, I have accumulated a lot of stuff. I moved into this house in 2000; it was the first house I ever bought. I was 47 years' old. Yes, I am a late bloomer!
November, 2021
Designing Your Relationship: The Joys of Tumbling Together
At this point in time, we have a few (but not too many) healthy role models for romantic relationships. Whether we are monogamous or open, legally married or not, we can take the qualities we admire in other people's relationships and - with a partner - create our own unique kind of relationship. This is what I call "Designing your relationship".
October, 2021
Invest in Yourself: Your Mental Health is Worth Your Time and Money
How much is your happiness worth? Your peace of mind? Leaving your troubled past behind? We shop around for cars, homes, good deals on washer-driers and new kitchen appliances. We compare new refrigerators (or whatever we're shopping for) on features, price and appearance. We are good shoppers who spend our money wisely. But how do we invest in ourselves?
September, 2021
What is a Friend and How do I Find A Good One?
The COVID-19 pandemic has left many of us spending way too long in the company of only our immediate family or closest BFFs. As the world reopens, we may want to seek out new friendships, but are unsure about where/how to start.
August, 2021
Make this Your Summer of Love: Here are some "Love Basics"
Now that we're finally coming out of COVID-19 isolation, many of my clients want to fall in love. For most people, finding love means jumping into the dating game. However, before you start down the path to love, the process is more enjoyable when you're clear on what you're looking for: Do you want to find your life partner? Meet a bunch of new people? Have fun? Get laid? Boost your self-esteem? End your loneliness? Regardless of your reason for meeting new people, here are some "Love Basics" to consider:
July, 2021
Good Dad Energy: Regardless of our Gender, Every One of Us has It!
As Father's Day approaches (June 20th), I want to talk about Good Dad Energy. Lots of us didn't have very good dads: some of us had distant dads, absent dads or even abusive dads. We didn't have great role models for masculinity.
June, 2021
Balancing Sexual Expression with Emotional Connection (Part Two)
In every open (non-monogamous) relationship - legally married or not - we determine how to balance the love and sexual energy we give to our beloved with how much emotion we allow ourselves to feel for our sexual partners. For my clients Tomas and Lisa, their love for each other was very strong, but the amount of emotional energy they were willing to invest in their sex partners was quite different.
May, 2021
Balancing Sexual Expression with Emotional Connection (Part One)
Ever since my book on open and monogamous marriage came out in 2017, I've had a steady stream of men and women - both queer and heterosexual - contacting me for advice on how to make an open relationship (e.g., non-monogamy) work.
April, 2021
Conflict Can Be Good for You
Over the past twenty-some years, I've heard dozens of clients say: "I absolutely hate conflict." "Does every relationship - even a good one - have a certain amount of conflict?" "I'll do anything to avoid conflict: it makes me so uncomfortable." Conflict is a necessary part of life, and, if approached with curiosity instead of dread, it can teach us a lot about ourselves.
March, 2021
Are You Drinking More During the Pandemic?
Celebrity/model/witty person Chrissy Teigen recently went public with her decision to quit drinking. As a psychotherapist for San Diego's LGBTQ community, I've observed that the ongoing psychological and economic distress of the COVID-19 pandemic has definitely encouraged more people to drink more alcohol more often.
January, 2021
Can We Breathe Now?
Finally, as 2020 shuffles to a close, it looks like (some) things are getting better.
Psychotherapist Michael Kimmel will present a ZOOM workshop: "Power, Love & Presence: The Joys of Getting Older" on 1/16/21 @ 4PM
"Power, Love & Presence: The Joys of Getting Older" is a ZOOM workshop offered by LGBTQ San Diego County columnist ("Life Beyond Therapy"), workshop facilitator and psychotherapist Michael Kimmel on Saturday, January 16th from 4 - 6PM EST.
December, 2020
Mastering COVID Fatigue
We're in uncharted territory, brothers and sisters. None of us has ever lived through a pandemic before. And the news isn't good: more and more people are getting the virus, hospitals are filling up as businesses and activities shut down
November, 2020
My Travels in TrumpLand: A Wake-Up Call
I recently returned from a two-week road trip. I drove through Nevada, Idaho, Montana, Washington, Oregon and California, mostly on back roads like CA-49 and CA-89 (which are gorgeous, if you haven't experienced them). I usually stayed at hotels in smaller towns like Pahrump, Nevada; Salmon, Idaho; and Lakeview, Oregon.
October, 2020
Training Your Inner Puppy
Are you feeling lonelier these days? Is the pandemic exacerbating those feelings?
September, 2020
How to Have Safe Sex: Now
As things continue to "open up", what about sex? When will that "open up"? I am not an epidemiologist, but I've been reading a lot of medical/science stuff relating to sex lately, in addition to hearing how my friends and clients are having sex now.
August, 2020
Your Mental Health
With COVID-19 spikes, quarantining, telecommuting, home schooling, unemployment, Trump's latest stupidity, local businesses forced to shut down and an ever-present sense of doom, your mental health is more important than ever.
July, 2020
ALOR: Acceptable Levels of Risk
These days, a lot of my conversations with clients and friends include talking about acceptable levels of risk (aka, "ALOR"). As things open back up, what kinds of risk are you comfortable with? Are you comfortable going to a restaurant? A bar? A barber shop? How about a gym or nail salon? A private party at someone's house? When you're out and about, how much distance do you need between yourself and other people to be comfortable?
June, 2020
The New Normal
In a pandemic, our old ideas about how life works no longer apply. We don't know when or how this time of quarantining will end. Hell, we can't even predict what will happen next week, so much is changing so fast.
May, 2020
How to create your own "Action Plan" for getting through the pandemic.
These are scary times: we're living with much uncertainty and many unknowns. As a psychotherapist, my clients, friends and family frequently ask me: "I'm scared. What can we do?" One thing I am doing with my clients to lower their fears and worries is to help them make a list of the things that frighten them.
April, 2020
Power, Love & Presence
As young people, most of us start off feeling pretty powerful. We have the confidence, naivete and energy of our twenties and are excited about all the sweet, untasted possibilities of life.
March, 2020
Your Sex Life Can Get Better with Age: Here's How
There is a myth that the older we are, the worse our sex life will be. Fortunately, this is bullshit.
February, 2020
Surprise! I was Wrong.
When I wrote the initial proposal for my book, it was called "The Queer Person's Guide to Love, Monogamy and Open Relationships" and it addressed monogamy and open relationships in the LGBTQ community).
January, 2020
This year: Do It Differently
Are you a "Happy Holidays!" or "Bah, Humbug!" person? For many of us, the holidays bring crazy-making expectations. We're bombarded with media images encouraging us to buy stuff (with our credit cards, of course), go to parties and events (or be alone, which may feel even worse) and - above all - to put on a happy face and smile all through it. This is a sure set-up for depression, shattered expectations and disappointment.
December, 2019
How to Balance your Heart, Mind and Genitals
Romance. Sex. Intimacy. Hooking up. Hanging out. Do I have your attention? As men-who-love-men, we want all things from all men. We want hot sex, emotional intimacy, a great, loyal friend and a handy man who can help us fix our car/house/life. In short, we want to feel loved (heart), respected for our intelligence (mind) and physically desired (genitals)
November, 2019
Love, Sex and Grindr
This column originated in questions that I've gotten from my clients, such as: Is it true that too much Grindr or Scruff sex makes you numb? Does Grindr encourage sex addiction? My friend met his husband on Grindr: why can't I? Has Scruff replaced dating and going to bars?
October, 2019
5 Questions (and answers) on The Art of Aging Well
Since I decided to offer a workshop here in San Diego on the above topic, I have been talking about it on social media. Surprisingly, I've gotten tons of questions about why I'm doing it. For you loyal readers of my website/Facebook page, I've narrowed the questions down to the 5 best ones:
September, 2019
I Don't Want to Get Older
I don't want to get older. I look at old gay men and I don't like what I see. I don't want to die young (I'm 29) but I also don't want to age. Already I see younger guys in their early twenties and feel that I'm on my way out. Who's going to want me in ten or twenty years? The woman who cuts my hair is having a Botox party: should I go?
August, 2019
Beyond Pride
This column is the result of a question I've been asking myself lately: What is "beyond" pride? Another way to put it is: "What comes after Pride?"
July, 2019
Moving Fast; Never Satisfied
This is a tale of two men. The first guy, Carlos* was in his mid-thirties. When I met him, he talked so fast and thought so rapidly that I wondered if he suffered from ADHD (he didn't). The second guy, Daniel* was a little older than Carlos, but had the same way of talking and acting: fast, fast, fast! Everything needed to happen now. He was a man on his way to the top of his profession and he didn't want anything to get in his way or slow him down.
June, 2019
How to Lower Your Relationship Drama
In my work as a psychotherapist, I see it over-and-over again: a perfectly happy single person meets someone wonderful. They start to date, it gets serious and - boom! - hello relationship drama! Over the past twenty years, how many times have I heard a client say, "I thought I'd worked out my personal problems, but, now there's all this drama and conflict since I met (name of new partner). What do I do?"
May, 2019
How A Library Saved my Life
Wellington, Ohio had a few more than 2,000 people when I was growing up there. It had one stoplight and 7 bars, one school building that housed all grades from kindergarten to high school. And it had a library.
April, 2019
"Shoving Each Other Towards Wholeness"
Relationships are humbling. ALL relationships. Whether it's with your partner, your child, your parent or your best friend…all relationships are humbling because they show us our flaws, fears and weaknesses. And yet, they are also the best path to wholeness. My grandma used to say, "You can't get to heaven by yourself." I interpret that as: "You discover who you REALLY are by being in relationships; you can't do it alone."
March, 2019
How to End a Relationship
One thing I'm often asked, as a psychotherapist: "Should I stay in this relationship or should I go?" If the person decides to go, the next question – inevitably is – "How do I end it in the best way possible?" I'd like to break this (big) question down into a four key (smaller) questions that I often discuss with my clients:
February, 2019
Have More Sex: It's Good for You
Nowadays, in many ways, sex gets a bad rap: anonymous sex, unsafe sex, addictive sex, hook-up sex... you know. I'd like to focus on the other side of sex: all the ways that it's good for us.
January, 2019
Are You Emotionally Sober?
Many years' ago, I had a boyfriend who liked to call me late at night, after he'd been drinking too much. He was a sweet, sentimental drunk. Eventually, the romance turned to friendship, he found AA and stopped drinking. But, he never worked on the problems that he drank to escape. He was the same person, just sober.
December, 2018
You Can Fix Your Childhood
Most of us think that the bad stuff that happened to us when we were kids is hardwired into our brains. We try to change old habits/patterns and find it almost impossible. We notice how much like our parents we are, or how our bosses or partners have similar characteristics of our parents, and wonder: "Why am I doing this? I don't want to keep repeating the same pattern. Help!"
November, 2018
5 Relationship Myths (and how to break them)
Despite the hundreds of relationship self-help books out on the shelves, there's a lot of impractical and impossible advice given by the "experts". After many years of helping people with their relationships, I'd like to share my favorite relationship myths with you, in the hopes that – by busting them – your relationships will be more fulfilling:
October, 2018
Using Sex as a Boyfriend Screening Tool
I have a dilemma. I am looking for a boyfriend, but not too seriously. I am enjoying great sex a lot of the time and meet most of these guys on-line. I think that having sex with a guy is a good way to "screen him" to see if he is potential boyfriend material. If our chemistry is good in bed, then that tells me to go ahead and get to know him better. If we're not good in bed together, why consider him as boyfriend material? My friends disagree and say I've got it backwards. What do you think?
September, 2018
The Marvels of Midlife
When I was 20, I thought that my sex life would be over at 40. When I was 30, I thought that my best years were behind me and I'd better find "Mr. Right" and settle down…and fast! At 40, I thought that I was halfway through life and hadn't accomplished much. Finally, at 50, things began to change…for the better.
August, 2018
Pride 2018: "A moment of great urgency"
Recently, speaking here in Southern California, former President Obama said, "This is a moment of great urgency. You are right to be concerned. The progress we have made is not a given."
July, 2018
Bisexual, Pansexual, Queer, Non-binary or Something else?
I recently met a new client, a man who identified as bisexual. He asked me, at our first session, "Do you believe in bisexuality?" I admit I was a bit stunned by the question. "Of course, I do", I replied. He said, "My previous therapist told me that bisexuality doesn't exist." I kept my mouth from dropping wide open, but, inside, it did the drop. "How can this be?" I thought to myself, "How could anyone be so ignorant?"
June, 2018
LGBT Divorce: from "I do" to "I'm done"
This is the column that I knew I would someday need to write, so I guess the time is now. Yes, I have already done "Divorce Counseling" for a few LGBT couples (and a lot more for hetero couples for the past two decades) and, unfortunately, I'm seeing more-and-more married LGBT couples who are considering divorce.
May, 2018
Coming Out Is Mental Health
I've been married for 5 years and it's a sham. I want to come out, but, I'm scared to death that everyone I know will turn against me. I have two young kids – a 6-month-old baby girl and a 3-year-old boy – who I love more than anything, and I'm afraid my wife would keep me from ever seeing them again. I read in your column last year that it's mentally healthy to come out, but is it really worth all the pain it causes? Please help me make my decision.
April, 2018
The Adam Rippon Effect
I've been pleasantly surprised by how the media and most of America have embraced openly – no, defiantly – gay figure skater Adam Rippon. He's a smart, funny, handsome proud gay man who embraces his inner "bitch" (his words) and isn't afraid to tell it. Watching him on shows like "Ellen" and "The View", he pulls no punches: he is who he is: his gestures, voice and body language are uniquely his own. He's not trying to butch it up or make himself more accessible to the folks in small-town Ohio (where I'm from).
March, 2018
The Pros and Cons of Older/Younger Relationships
In my psychotherapy practice, I often assist lesbian couples where one of the women is significantly older than her partner. Last month, one of these women asked me: "Why don't you write a column about age differences in lesbian relationships and how to handle them?"
February, 2018
What I learned on my Book Tour
I've just finished six months as an openly gay author out there in the – overwhelmingly straight – publishing world talking about my book: "The Gay Man's Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage".
January, 2018
"I Hate the Holidays"
A recent email I got sums up many people's attitude towards this time of year: Dear Doctor Kimmel:< I hate the Holidays! People are so fake and everyone competes with each other for the best gifts, best parties, best tree decorations, etc. What can I do to get through this falsely festive time of year?
December, 2017
"It's Just One Big, Ambiguous Mess"
My book "The Gay Man's Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage" came out in June. Ever since, I have been getting new clients whose relationships are similar to the couples I talk about in the book: "if you write about it, they will come".
November, 2017
Calling Fear by Its Name
A key ingredient of a happy life is how we handle fear. Fear is inevitable; it's a part of life. So, what are we going to do with our fear? Most of us are neither encouraged to identify our fears nor are we encouraged to ask for help in working with them. Typically, we may think we don't "need" to talk about our fears (the stoic, "I'm fine" usually shuts up those people who want to help us) and many people think that talking about fear indicates weakness.
October, 2017
12 Steps for the Rest of Us
While I am not a member of a 12 step program, I find the 12 steps are useful for anyone struggling with an addictiion. In reality, most of us have some kind of addictive or compulsive behavior that interferes with our happiness.
September, 2017
Hold Onto your Dreams
When I was a child, living on a farm, the nearest daily newspaper was the Elyria (Ohio) Chronicle/Telegram. I loved reading it every day and I had a dream that someday I would be published in that august periodical.
August, 2017
Summer Body Shame? You're Not Alone
My queer clients have it; my straight male clients have it; my older (and you'd hope wiser) clients have it. Even I have it. A good friend of mine wants to start yoga, but, told me, "I went to the class and everyone was so skinny. I felt enormous (she's not), like my body was screaming to the world: 'I eat unhealthy food and don't work out'. I can't go back until I lose some weight."
July, 2017
Love, friendship and Soul Mates
Have you heard people talk about their "soul mate"? This perfectly-designed person is your ideal match. God sent them just for you. There is no other person on earth who would be such a good match.
San Diego Therapist Michael Dale Kimmel Releases Gay Man's Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage
San Diego, CA – Psychotherapist and author, Michael Dale Kimmel, announces the release of The Gay Man's Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage(ISBN 9781442268012), a nonfiction handbook for gay couples that provides an easy-to-follow, practical framework for helping create, adjust, and structure their marriages.
June, 2017
Realizing Your Gifts
Recently, I went to a big, fancy dinner at a friend's house. There were about 18 people there and, as far as I know, I was the only LGBT person at the table. I was talking with this really interesting (straight) woman and the topic turned to being gay (don't ask me how). She looked me in the eye and asked me, "What is unique about being gay? What gifts do you bring to the world that straight people don't?"
May, 2017
Squeeze the Toothpaste (just a little)
I am writing to you because I want to get some therapy, but I'm afraid to. I am a middle-aged lesbian with a great girlfriend who loves me and tells me so on a regular basis. I have a job I like (most of the time, anyway) and a solid circle of friends. What's my problem? I have so much baggage from my past that I think if I ever started to address it, I'd never finish. So why bother?
April, 2017
Friendship
Last week I was talking with a close friend. As usual, we covered a wide range of subjects. He brought up the subject of Friendship and suggested I write a column about it, telling me:"Friendship is severely underrated, especially among men". A client of mine told me, "Lovers come and go, but friendships last a lot longer. I'd be sunk without my friends."
March, 2017
The 7 Kinds of Love (Plus One More)
Lots of people talk about love, sing about love and write about love, but haven't you ever wondered: what exactly is "love" anyway?
February, 2017
Your own worst enemy
Are you a jealous person? What makes you jealous? Jealousy is a form of self-sabotage. It rarely helps you get what you want. Jealousy usually is a sign that something is "off" in you. Not necessarily in others; but in yo
January, 2017
All I want for Christmas is the Perfect Relationship
As Christmas nears, many of my single clients want Santa to bring them the perfect relationship and leave it under the tree (nicely-wrapped, of course). As a psychotherapist, I am happy to play cupid, but I insist on being a cupid based in reality. In this column, I'll include questions you can ask yourself to increase the likelihood of finding that perfect woman/man under your Christmas tree!
December, 2016
The Trans Community and Me
For several years, people have asked me to write a column about the transgender (aka "trans") community. As a cis male, I deferred. Instead, I asked trans friends to write something, but, no dice. Last week, a trans client said, "Why don't you write a column on us and publish it for the Transgender Day of Remembrance (November 17th)?"
November, 2016
Is my child gay?
One of my clients, a divorced businessman, has a 16-year-old son "Evan". Evan just told his dad that he's gay. He said it very confidently. To Evan, there appears to be no doubt about this. But his dad wonders.
October, 2016
I think I'm bisexual...
I am a happily-married woman with a young child, a great job and loving friends. There's only one problem, I think I'm bisexual, and I don't know what to do about it.
September, 2016
Not Out to Your Doctor?
As an openly-gay mental health professional, I have long assumed that most LGBT folks are out to their health providers. Wrong! Recently, I was asked to present a talk to an LGBT group on the pros and cons of coming out to your doctor. I was a little perplexed: "What would be the cons?" I thought. So I went on-line and read about the topic. I also read about all these new books out about "Don't Trust Your Doctor" and similar blah-blah-blah. In this column, I would like to address the relationship that we – as LGBTers – have with our our health care professionals, how to be "out" with them and how to get them to give us what we really want (and need).
August, 2016
Don't Lose Yourself in a Relationship
Often, when I counsel newly-married couples, I hear a familiar lament: "I feel like I've lost myself since I got married" or "After moving in with my partner, I feel like I've merged with them so much that I don't know who I am anymore".
July, 2016
How to Grieve
As the tragedy in Orlando continues to unfold, I find myself asking: How do you grieve for someone you don't know? How do you grieve when the situation keeps changing? How do you grieve when it's all so confusing? I have written this column to answer these questions and to offer you some suggestions on what to do with your grief.
June, 2016
Grindr, Facebook and the New Image Culture
The power of images, specifically, photos, is not to be underestimated. With apps like Grindr and Facebook, many of us interact less-and-less with people face-to-face. We don't hear their voice, see how they move or observe them with their friends.
May, 2016
Retire, but don't quit
From Life Beyond Therapy: I am turning 63 this year, and am being increasingly asked by friends: "When are you going to retire?" It's a fair question, since AARP started sending me membership cards 13 years' ago. In my case, I don't want to retire because I really like the work I do: having a private practice, doing workshops and writing books and newspaper columns is (mostly) fun for me, so why would I quit?
April, 2016
March, 2016
When Things Fall Apart
From Life Beyond Therapy: Maybe bad news does come in threes. Recently a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer, another friend had an emergency C-section and the baby didn't survive, and another friend is struggling with crystal meth.
February, 2016
The Double Testosterone Marriage
I am pleased to report that I have recently signed a contract to publish my new book "The Double Testosterone Marriage: Monogamy or Open Relationship?" with Rowman & Littlefield Publishers. I will turn in the manuscript in June and the book should be published later in the year.
January, 2016
When Things Fall Apart
Maybe bad news does come in threes. Recently a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer, another friend had an emergency C-section and the baby didn't survive, and another friend is struggling with crystal meth.
December, 2015
Kind, Flexible and Forgiving: the Keys to Losing Weight
Of all the problems in life, how much we weigh seems to be a concern for everyone I've ever met, myself included. In my work as a psychotherapist, clients typically don't bring this up in the beginning of our work together. They usually wait until we've gotten to know each other better before they feel comfortable enough to talk about their weight.
November, 2015
What is Internalized Homophobia and what can I do about it?
The other day I was talking with a client, a well-adjusted gay man, who told me, "I don't think I'm homophobic anymore. I think I've worked all that through."
October, 2015
Stuck in the (Bisexual) Closet
I am a closet bisexual. I have been with a terrific guy for about 10 years' now. We have a great sex life and a good life together. But, I have never been with another woman sexually and I want to experience that. So, last month I told my boyfriend and he freaked out. He said that this was a dealbreaker for him and that we agreed to be monogamous and that this totally fucks with his ability to trust me. What do I do now?
September, 2015
Volunteering and Your Mental Health
From Life Beyond Therapy: When I lived in Los Angeles, I used to volunteer for my church. On many Sunday afternoons, I would join a group of men and women who went downtown and fed hungry people.
August, 2015
The New Middle Age
Consider these phrases: "Middle Aged". "Over the Hill". "Past Your Prime." Do they inspire you to live a long, healthy and happy life? Me neither.
July, 2015
What Do You Think of This Kind of Sex?
Last week a friend of mine invited me to go with him to a sex party that he heard about on Adam4Adam. It was in someone's hotel suite and there were a lot of naked men there. I've been to bathhouses before, but this was more intense. Guys were having sex with each other all over the place. There was no privacy anywhere, and that made me uncomfortable. The worst part is that lots of the guys were having unsafe sex, even though there were jars of condoms available. What do you think of this kind of sex?
June, 2015
Am I Married to a Sex Addict?
My partner and I have been together for about 3 years now. At the beginning the sex was great, now it's almost non-existent, but we still love each other very much. A while back we started having 3-ways with other guys, and that was cool. But, in the last few months, he told me he's not into those anymore and he wants to have an open relationship where each of us does our own thing sexually. This isn't my preference, but I went along with it (I'm not very assertive). Now he's never home; when he's not at work, he's almost always out having sex. On weekends, he's on the computer for 3-4 hours a day looking to hook up. It feels like our relationship is falling apart. Am I married to a sex addict?
May, 2015
Making Major Life Changes
Congratulations to you both. You are both completing chapters of your life that you can each be proud of: finishing high school and a Master's program, respectively. Approaching major life changes usually brings up anxiety. What comes next is unknown, and for most of us, that's pretty damn scary.
April, 2015
Mindfulness: How to Rewire Your Brain
Mindfulness is in the news lately: celebrities tout it, Oprah loves it. But, what exactly is it? And is it worth your time? Let's check it out:
March, 2015
Taking Care of Others (And Yourself)
My elderly parents live in El Centro. So far, they've been okay, but lately my dad's health is shaky and my mom's mental state isn't the greatest. I am the only child who lives nearby.
February, 2015
January, 2015
Happy Damn New Year!
As a new year approaches, many of us feel pretty damn depressed. Whether you're partnered or alone, it's tempting to imagine that everyone else is having more fun than you are. The truth is, you have no idea how happy or miserable anyone else is behind their façade.
December, 2014
Fighting Fair
Why do we fight, argue or disagree? We want our way. We want to be right. We want to get something. Are we willing to get it at any cost? For most of us, the answer is: no. In any relationship of worth, we want the relationship to prosper more than we want to "win".
November, 2014
Hooked On Twinks?
I am 38 years old, handsome and successful. My problem is that only young guys turn me on. I like them between 21-24. Guys over 27 do nothing for me. Unfortunately, the guys I like are too young for a long-term relationship, so I've had a series of short relationships. But I want a long-term relationship. Am I doomed to be hooked on twinks as I get older and older? And why does the thought of being with someone my age terrify me? I'm ready to grow up (I think). Help!
Life Beyond Therapy
San Diego psychologist Michael Kimmel shares perspectives and advice on psychological health for the LGBT community. He can be reached through his website (lifebeyondtherapy.com).
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