Happy Damn New Year!

As a new year approaches, many of us feel pretty damn depressed. Whether you're partnered or alone, it's tempting to imagine that everyone else is having more fun than you are. The truth is, you have no idea how happy or miserable anyone else is behind their façade.

If you could sit in my chair, and hear how unhappy many people are at this time of year, you'd stop envying other people immediately. There's a great Phoebe Snow song whose line “December 31st is the very worst time of the year” sums up how many of us feel as New Year's Eve approaches.

Well, what can we do about it? Here are some ideas to make your New Year's Eve as happy as possible:

If other people appear to be going to lots of fun New Year's Eve parties - and you're not - refocus on what makes you happy. This is hard, I know, but obsessing on the parties you won't be attending will just bring you down. 

The same rule applies if you're new in town and you'll be alone on New Year's Eve/day. Resist the temptation to imagine how happy other people are, focus on pleasing yourself.  If you're alone, what would make you feel as good as possible? Going to the zoo? Walking in the park? A funny movie?  Whatever it is: do it. Even though Christmas is over, be your own Santa and give yourself a day (or two) that makes you as happy as you can possibly be.

Perhaps you have the opposite problem: there's too much going on and you feel stressed out and anxious. Don't get sucked into overdoing: do less, enjoy more. Give yourself some alone time to unwind from events. If you are partnered, schedule more “couple time” than usual:  help each other relax and chill out.  If you're single, make sure to have quality time with people you can be yourself with.

Some people (no names, please) try to avoid New Year depression by getting so wasted they don't feel anything.  This is a mistake. Don't drink or drug yourself into oblivion. It only gives you a temporary escape anyway.  You want a nice, healthy escape?  Go out dancing: work your body hard, laugh and come home covered with sweat and wearing a smile.   

What if this time of year is particularly awful for you? If your partner/friend/parent died in the recent past, this may be your first New Year without them. Or your third or fourth without them, but you still miss them like hell.  This is a time to get emotional support from people (and pets) who love you.  It may be a time to grieve/cry and also to laugh/enjoy life as much as you can. Be real. Don't fake it. Faking is crazy-making.

If you feel sad, lonely or disconnected from friends and family, you may need to tell the people around you that this is a hard time of year for you. Let them know and trust that they'll understand and respect your emotions. 

Do you do the Codependent thing at this time of year? Do you put yourself last and everyone else first?  This is a great way to make sure your New Year is miserable and you end up resentful and pissed off at yourself and everyone else.

Instead of being the perfect caretaker for your friends/family, I suggest upping your self-care. Put yourself first. Start the New Year off right by being kinder and more forgiving of yourself than you were last year.

And don't make rigid New Year's resolutions that are impossible to keep. This will just make you feel like a failure. If you must make a resolution, why not resolve to be more loving and compassionate to yourself this year. You could start out by looking at yourself in the mirror and saying: “How can I be kind to you today?” and see what happens.

This little exercise alone might make 2014 your best year ever. But why wait? Try it out on New year's eve too. You have nothing to lose but that damn depression.

Happy New Year from Michael!