Pain, Suffering and Spirituality
When you read about the rich and famous “going spiritual”, e.g., going to meditation retreats, studying Buddhism in India, reading (and writing) Spiritual/New Age/Personal Growth books, what the hell is going on? Is this a true search for dealing with pain and suffering or is it mere New Age quackery? Is it just another way to make a buck, or is there really something valuable there?
We all know what pain and suffering are. But what exactly is spirituality? I looked it up in the dictionary, and found, "related to the spirit or sacred matters" and "deeply religious". So I looked up "spirit" and found: "life-giving force, presence of God, vivacity or enthusiasm". Confusing, isn’t it? Most people explore spiritual paths to experience less pain and suffering and to find more happiness in their lives. Ironically, people who have achieved a great degree of success are often the most motivated to “go spiritual”. Why? Because they’ve had all the physical things, people, events, and/or jobs that they expected would make them happy...and find themselves still stuck in lots of pain and suffering (“Celebrity Rehab”, anyone?) Look at all those reality shows that highlight people’s deep disappointment in the powers of fame and fortune. People want a way out of pain and suffering and realize that nothing outside of themselves is gonna get them there.
What to do then?
“Going spiritual” always involves going inside yourself and leaving your focus on the external world behind. For some people, this is terrifying. They don’t want to know themselves more…they dread what they expect to find. But, dear readers, without self-examination, making positive and lasting life changes is impossible. Like it or not, we need to go within. This is what makes pain and suffering less awful and more bearable. There’s no EASY path to happiness, but there ARE many paths, and they all involve going within. Whether you call your path therapy or inner work or spirituality or personal growth, it doesn’t matter.
Unfortunately, rational, linear logic cannot take you beyond pain and suffering. If we could have “figured it out” that way, none of us would have any pain and suffering at all, and that’s certainly not the case, is it? We can’t analyze our pain and suffering away, nor can we simply stay busy and ignore it. Given that pain and suffering is a part of everyone’s life, how can we work with it and actually learn something from it? This is what some people call intuition and inner work, it involves bringing your heart into the picture, and for some of us, opening up our hearts is terrifying. We’re afraid we’ll get hurt. And yet, if we don’t open our hearts to life, we live life half-dead. A spiritual path helps us to face the unpleasant truths that:
- There is pain and suffering in this world
- It’s unavoidable
- Clearly, we are not in control.
A spiritual path offers us a way to cope with ourselves and the unpredictable world we live in. It’s about finding a peace of mind that doesn’t depend on trying to control the externals of our lives. This may be worth your consideration.
Brief Bio
Born in Northern Ohio (the oldest of four children), I grew up in a small town of two thousand sassy farmers. I was named after my great-grandfather Michael, who reportedly had the first Ford dealership in the State of Ohio (he ran it out of his hardware store). In 1971, I escaped the farm and made it to the big city of Cincinnati, where I earned a B.A. in Personnel and Group Development from the University of Cincinnati. In the 1970's, I worked in Louisville, Kentucky; New Haven, Connecticut and London (England) in personnel and human resources. In 1980, I earned a Master's Degree in Developmental Psychology from Sarah Lawrence College while interning for "Sesame Street" in New York City (yes, I know Big Bird).
After moving to San Francisco in the 1980's, I was Clinical Director for the Homeless Children's Network and Clinical Consultant to Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (aka "COLLAGE") while earning my second Master's Degree from San Francisco State University From 1996 to 1998, I worked as a Middle School Counselor in the San Francisco Public Schools. I came to San Diego, California in 1998, where I maintain a private psychotherapy practice and offer workshops for the Southern Californian LGBT community.
I am currently editing my first book: "Life Beyond Therapy" (LGBT non-fiction). The book has been picked up by a major American publisher and is expected to hit the bookstores sometime next year. I can be reached through my website (www.lifebeyondtherapy.com).
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Co-editors Michael Mahler and Deb Spilko