As always, LOVE the Datalounge! Someone started a thread splicing together dialogue from Mommy Dearest and Harry Potter. Wow.
How would Joan Crawford handle the position of D.A.D.A. (Defense Against the Dark Arts) Instructor at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?Well?
by: Julianne Siriusly
A notable entry:
Joan commanding Hagrid: "Tear down that BITCH of a classroom wall and put a window where it OUGHT to be.""I may as well have "property of Hogwart's" tattooed on my back side!"
"You expect me to ignore my spells, they're life and death to me, baby! They're the ones who really MADE ME!"
Joan to McGonagall: "BECAUSE I'M DAMN MAD! Dammit, Minerva. How can you put Albus over me? You know that son of a bitch is trying to destroy my teaching career!"
Joan to Snape: "Yeah? You're nothing but a rotten, crooked wizard... supplying the grease that makes this shitty magic business work. You think your life's a mystery? There isn't a dirty cover up in this entire school that I don't know about, and YOUR hand is in EVERY ONE of them... you REEK OF IT!"
Joan catching the girls swooning over Viktor Krum: "Is this an institution of learning or a teenage brothel?"
Joan to Lord Valdemort: "You drove Cedric Diggory to his grave, and now you're trying to stab me in the back? Forget it. I fought worse monsters than you for years in Hollywood. I know how to win the hard way."
Joan entering the Forbidden Forest: "Mione! Bring me the ax!"
NO... UNFORGIVABLE... CURSES!What are unforgivable curses doing in this classroom when I told you: no unforgivable curses EVER? I teach and teach 'till I'm half-dead, and I hear people saying, "She's getting old." And what do I get? A student... who cares as much about the defense against the dark arts lessons I give her... as she cares about me! What are unforgivable curses doing in this classroom? Answer me! I give you well-planned lessons, and you treat them like they were some speech on the fly! You do! Hours of instruction wasted... We'll see how many curses you've got if they're hidden somewhere. We'll see... we'll see. Get out of that desk! All of this is coming out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. You've got any more? We're gonna see how many unforgivable curse descriptions you've got hidden in your bookbag. Unforgiveable curses, why? Why? Hermione, get out of that desk. Get out of that desk. You live in the most beautiful house in Hogwart's and you don't care if you're placed in Azkaban because of using unforgivable curses. And your dorm room looks like some two-dollar-a-week furnished room in some two-bit back street in Little Whinging! Get up. Get up. Clean up this mess!
And of course:
Don't FUCK with me mudbloods!This ain't my first time at the Quidditch Cup...
by: Professor Crawford
Read the thread here.
