Morgaine’s passing, new puppy

Not such a great day here. Morgaine’s health had been declining. I could pretty clearly see her vertebrae, hips and almost all the other bones under her fur. Her abdomen was distended again. Within the past few days, her paws had started to become enlarged, and she seemed to be having trouble walking. I was up late on Sunday, and turned in. When I found that I couldn’t sleep, I figured I would get the workout done and hopefully tire myself out. I was upstairs doing weight lifting, when I heard paws on the steps, followed by stumbling. I dashed down to find her sitting and semi-sprawled on the landing. It was so heart breaking seeing her there, knowing that all she had wanted was to say Hi to her daddy and get some muzzle nuzzles. I had been feeling bad about not having investigating having another abdominal drain, so I called the vets for an appointment Monday evening.
Before going to work, I got an email from Paula saying that she had a dream about Morgaine and woke up at about 2:30 AM and wanted to know how she was doing. I cried because that was indeed about when Morgaine fell.
Mom called me at work and mentioned that a women who was at their house to buy a Christmas tree mentioned about having puppies for sale. Mom wanted a female to replace Vicky, who is failing. Mom called me and asked me if I wanted a puppy, and I told her about Morgaine. Mom asked me if I wanted her to meet me at the vet’s, and I said yes. (No matter how old we get, I guess we always want our Mommy when facing scary stuff.) Deb asked as well, and I also asked James.
I wasn’t sure how it was going to turn out. Maybe they could have given her a tap and that would have bought her a few days of comfort. Maybe she wasn’t as bad as I thought, but a tap would have been to risky. But I was also prepared for Morgaine going to the vet’s and not coming back.
The vet took one look at her, and figured that she had very little time left (eventually he indicated that it was probably days.) I didn’t want her to go when I was at work, alone with no one to be with her. Since she didn’t have much time, I felt that given how she had been suffering (and kind of took Paula’s dream as yet another sign of where things were headed), I signed the form for euthanasia.
They fitted her with a catheter to make it easy. I held her and told her that I loved her, and I wanted her to be safe and happy. Over and over, I told her how sorry I was that she had to face this. All 4 of us were there with the vet and the nurse.
So, Mom and I petted her. I held her when they gave her the shot of anesthetic. She went very quickly. Again, I told her how much I loved her. She left this world around 8:30 PM on Monday, December 15, 2003.
We went over to Mom’s afterward. The 2 new puppies that she had are adorable. Mom kept one, and the other is sleeping on the floor not far from me as I type this. No name picked out. I am thinking of maybe trying to find an underworld goddess as she is a pure black lab, and since she came on the day that Morgaine died. She is 9 weeks old, having been born on October 8.
I still love Morgaine lots. I will try to think of her happily digging through fields in the afterlife, and being her wonderfully exuberant self.